


The Boss Needs to Get Laid

by aunt_zelda



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Blink and you'll miss it mention of pedophilia, Bodyguard Romance, Community: pacificrimkink, Elevator Sex, F/M, M/M, Matchmaking, Shaven Head Bodyguard Lady, Smoking, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-07
Updated: 2013-08-07
Packaged: 2017-12-22 18:03:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/916347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aunt_zelda/pseuds/aunt_zelda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hannibal needs to get laid. His bodyguards want to help, and try to set him up with that weird scientist guy from the Shatterdome. It's a frustrating process for everyone involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Boss Needs to Get Laid

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this prompt at the Pacific Rim Kink Meme.  
> http://pacificrimkink.livejournal.com/1613.html?thread=1790029#t1790029  
>  _Hannibal's gang/inner circle think their boss could use a distraction (aka boyfriend) from work - and the scientist that keeps coming over seems like a pretty good choice._
> 
> Chan-Juan is the Shaven Head Bodyguard Lady from the movie. Li is one of the other bodyguards, you decide which one. I had to give them names. 
> 
> "Gweilo" is Cantonese slang for a white foreigner. The internet can't seem to make up its mind whether it's very offensive, a little offensive, or not offensive at all. So, um, warning you ahead of time. Yes.

“The Boss needs to get laid.”

“Mmph.”

This is how most of their conversations go: Li talks and Chan-Juan grunts in response. She doesn’t talk much, ever, in fact. Li knows she understands Cantonese at least, but he’s not sure of anything else. He’s a little afraid of her, to be honest. But she seems to like him. Well, she hasn’t stabbed him in the hand like the last bodyguard she began lounging around with, so there’s that at least. 

“Boss works too hard, he deserves some relaxation.” Li continues, thinking back. “You ever seen him with a woman?”

Chan-Juan shakes her head.

“What about a man?” Li asks. He’s not gonna judge about that. 

Chan-Juan shakes her head.

Li gets a sick feeling. “Kids?”

Chan-Juan growls and shakes her head. “ _No_ ,” she says firmly in Cantonese. Apparently, that warranted actual speech. 

“It’s not Jaegers is it?” Li groans, thinking about the expense of making such a fetish possible. 

Chan-Juan laughs, a surprisingly pretty sound. Then she fishes a phone from her pocket and holds it up, showing Li some security footage from a while back. It’s of that scientist from the Shatterdome, the guy with the glasses and the tattoos. 

Now that Li thinks about it, that makes a kind of sense. The Boss did stick his knife up the guy’s nose, and later in the night the scientist insulted him and demanded access to a Kaiju brain, and the Boss just smiled and gave it to him. Usually, people who call the Boss a “bitch” or even mention his bad eye end up sliced and diced beyond recognition. Not that scientist though. Which means that Hannibal has taken a shine to him. And could, potentially, have deeper feelings. 

Chan-Juan gives Li a meaningful look and waggles her eyebrows. 

Li nods: it’s a plan, then. 

~*~

The plan is a lot easier said (or, in Chan-Juan’s case, grunted) than done. 

For one thing, the scientist doesn’t come around on a set schedule, so Li and Chan-Juan have to improvise a lot around random visits. 

For another thing, while it’s becoming increasingly obvious to those who know him well, Hannibal’s feelings towards the scientist are being completely missed by the little guy himself. Hannibal grins and teases and offers up kaiju guts, and the little guy just squeals with glee and doesn’t notice the leers Hannibal gives him as he bends over a work table. Doesn’t appreciate the expense Hannibal is going to, giving him these specimens.

It would be so easy if Newt just turned around one day, saw that look in Hannibal’s eyes, and they jumped each other then and there. But no, life is not that simple, especially for Li and Chan-Juan.

“Why’s he gotta be so particular?” Li whines. “There’s dozens of girls out around the corner. Give ’em a couple hundred bucks and a meal and they’ll do anything you ask. But _no_ , the boss wants some skinny gweilo covered in Kaiju-ink.” Li spits. “I could get him pussy, any pussy he wanted. I could get him all kinds of rentboys, if that’s what he wanted. But no, stupid, stubborn, idiot gweilo Kaiju-groupie. Fuck my life.”

Chan-Juan laughs and pats Li on the shoulder. 

“Yeah yeah, I know, we’ll get ’em together eventually. If we gotta trip ’em into bed personally.” Li gets a sudden flash of what that would look like and shudders. “Ok, ok, not that, but everything else, sure.”

Chan-Juan grunts in agreement. 

~*~

Weeks of awkward signaling to each other and trying to maneuver the two men into each other’s arms drag on. Hannibal gets more and more frustrated. Newt continues to be oblivious. Li and Chan-Juan glare at Newt’s back every time the scientist leaves without so much as a hickey. 

Hannibal is running a meeting late tonight, so Newt is waiting in the storefront. Li is there, waiting with him, guarding the door. Newt rocks back and forth on his heels, checking his watch every so often.

Li waits a moment, then coughs. Then coughs again, to get Newt’s attention. Newt’s eyes on him, Li points to Newt’s arms and rolls up his own sleeves to demonstrate, as they established a while back that Newt doesn’t understand Cantonese. 

Newt’s brow furrows in confusion. 

Li sighs and walks over, rolling up Newt’s sleeves for him. 

“Whoa, whoa, hey! Hey!” Newt struggles, but Li is done in an instant and backing away to the wall once more. “What the hell, man?” Newt asks. 

Li shrugs. 

Newt goes to unroll his sleeves and Li shakes his head. Newt puts up his hands in surrender and waits, forearms bare.

The secret door opens, and Li follows newt inside. Hannibal stares at Newt’s forearms a lot during their exchange, and during the subsequent dissection Newt performs in the middle of the room. 

Chan-Juan winks to Li from across the room, and Li considers that reward enough on its own. 

~*~

This is risky, but desperate times call for desperate measures. 

It’s difficult enough getting the two of them alone in an elevator. That’s the real challenge. Stopping the car between floors is relatively simple compared to the maneuvering of two stubborn and unpredictable men. 

But finally, at long last, the two of them are in an elevator, and Li and Chan-Juan are panting in a breaker-room, having disconnected some wirings at just the right time. 

Li slumps against the wall, grinning. “And now we wait.” 

Chan-Jaun grunts and lights a cigarette, offering one to Li. He takes it, and they smoke in silence. 

After some muffled yelling and repeated bangs on the emergency button, there’s silence from the elevator. Then, after maybe fifteen minutes, a rhythmic thumping that echoes through the wall.

Li and Chan-Juan fist-bump, finish their cigarettes, and, once the thumpings have ceased, put the elevator back online. 

Li glances sideways at Chan-Juan. “You, uh, wanna get dinner? With me? I mean, um …” he suddenly remembers the other bodyguard, who Chan-Juan stabbed in the hand for unknown reasons.

Chan-Juan shrugs, grunts, and finally nods, heading for the door. 

“I pay, you tip,” she says over her shoulder.

It’s the longest sentence she’s ever uttered to Li. He grins broadly and heads after her.

Upstairs, Hannibal and Newt are making their way to Hannibal’s bedroom, shedding clothes on their way and tripping over each other’s pants. Newt’s forgotten about the elevator by morning. Hannibal hasn’t, and sends Li and Chan-Juan generous bonuses in their paychecks.


End file.
